The Skinniest Fat Girl 

By: Chelsey Rae

                  Gluten, Dairy, and Sugar. These aren't a few of my favorite things...OH NO THESE ARE MY FAVORITE THINGS!! There really isn't anything better than a bowl of pasta with Alfredo sauce, a fresh baked loaf of bread, or how about CHOCOLATE ice-cream!!! OMG my mouth is watering already! One of my favorite holiday treats is a LARGE water glass of egg nog ice cream, pour in hot chocolate, topped with a layer of mini marshmallows with whip cream!! (after my boss found out this is what I was eating last December she said "YOU ARE THE SKINNIEST FAT GIRL I KNOW!")

No more summer cocktails it's all about fresh fruit!

                  Food has always been an important part of my life. The first time I ever remember seeing a camcorder in person, was when my dad brought one home from work, he recorded my mom and I in the kitchen making dinner, her and I pretended we had our own cooking show. I used to watch cooking shows on PBS any chance I could, and in 3rd grade I declared "I'm gonna be a chef on TV when I grow up!!". I didn't become a chef of Television YET, but I DID get ON TV. I guess the universe does listen, it does not always deliver the results in the way we THOUGHT we wanted it to be. 

                  In May of this year I was diagnosed with Demyelinating Disease, demyelinating disease is any disease of the nervous system in which the myelin sheath of neurons is damaged. Thank you wikipedia!! Basically the protection on the nerves in my brain is gone in a few areas which makes my brain unable to communicate with different parts of my body. This is what people with Multiple Sclerosis get diagnosed with BEFORE the doctor confirms the MS diagnoses.....Based on my age, sex, and symptoms they are fairly certain I may be one of the 350,000 people in the United States that lives with Multiple Sclerosis each day. After over two years of chronic pain in my right shoulder, elbow, wrist, hand, potty problems, depression, anxiety, and weight loss I needed answers. I felt crazy, I just kept tasking my loved ones  "WHY do I FEEL 80 years old on the inside!!?!?!?" When I started to have pain in my left leg, that's when I knew this wasn't a case of tendinitis or carpal tunnel. I will never forget the evening of May 10th waiting for my doctors call, 6:35pm the phone rings, Eric and I quietly listen to the speaker phone while the doctor explains the diagnoses. I have four spots on my brain where the myelin sheath is gone, 3 are 4mm in diameter and 1 is 7mm. "IF you were a very healthy 80 year old woman this is about how your brain would look..." Says Dr. Tilley. Relief washed over me, like when you blush, but the opposite..."I'm NOT crazy! I'm not a hypochondriac!" I exclaimed.  I even described the pain perfectly....I'm 28 years old on the outside, and 80 on the inside...People have always told me I'm an old soul, I guess they were right! "Now if anything this will be a change in lifestyle for you Chelsey....Your pain management will really depend on you, and how you live." Dr. Tilley said.

In my OWN trailer on the set of GRIMM!

             With in four days I became a non smoker, who says no thank you to sugar, cocoa, alcohol, dairy, and gluten. Well, except for Sugar Saturdays of coarse, If cheat on my diet, I do it on the weekend so that I have a full day of recovery to lay around and do nothing. Surprisingly the best pain fighter for my demyelinating disease has not be the medication the neurologist prescribed but, medicinal marijuana (which I'm licensed for) and a strick eating regimen, juicing has been VERY helpful. Can you believe....All the GRREEEEN I want and no sugar...HAHA Life is ironic. I believe a lot of the motivation for the change of life style was not only being in pain, but May 11th, the day after I was diagnosed, I also was signed with a modeling agency and in less than a week from then I was working on the set of GRIMM as a stand in for Mary Elizabeth Masterantonio. In just a few short weeks from there I went from a guest star's stand in, to the body double for Bree Turner a series regular on the hit NBC show. The mysteries of my body were becoming realized, and my dreams coming true. I use that as my motivation for staying as healthy as possible for me, and my family. 

           On a recent trip to Costco for juicing fruit I went up to get a sample of my FAVORITE crackers, Mary's gluten free crackers to be exact. http://www.marysgonecrackers.com (Which by the way Costco now sells for a quarter of the price normally charged by local grocers.) The woman at the sample stand said "These are going like crazy! A woman just came by and bought 4 boxes!!!" "OH I BET! These are my FAVORITE, I eat gluten free and these are one of the best snacks I've found" "OH NO WONDER you are SO SKINNY!!!" she said. I looked behind me for a second realized she was still talking to me, smiled awkwardly and then walked toward the front of the store. Me....SKINNY? Weird...I am though...Over the last two years and as of recently I have lost a total of almost 50 pounds. In my head I'm STILL "Chelsey Chunks" (The name all my girlfriends called me through middle and high school) a proportionate average size 10 sometimes 8 with a couple dimples on my ass here and there, I LOVED me. I remember one particular EX-friend said "You know Chelsey, I've ALWAYS admired how comfortable you are in a swim suit! You never complain about it, and you always seem OK with your size.."  This SHOCKED me, I was ALWAYS self conscious about being in a swim suit, not because of the size 10 tag, but because of my thick lady garden hairs!!!! I was scared someone would think my razor burned bikini line, was disgusting, not my weight! There's nothing like a best girlfriend to give you a good of a back handed comment....And I PROMISE, IT was backhanded....

Sometimes I bring my own food out to eat 

          Body image is a strange thing, and I never had a problem with it until now. Being skinny has made me more self conscious than I can ever explain. I can't go one day without someone SOMEWHERE commenting on my weight. I'm not JUST talking about people I know, but strangers. I've even had people that I had not seen for a while, straight up ask me if I had a drug problem or an eating disorder...Eating was something I always looked forward too, ask ANYONE of my friends or family members and they will tell you that I would think about what my next meal, while eating my current one. Now I loath eating...it's a hassle. Every time I see food I see pain. These are the thoughts I fight against...I believe this MIGHT be the most depressed I've ever been about something. It's a divorce I didn't want, it's a break up with Snickers, and Soda! Cutting out all of that deliciousness has been one of the biggest challenges of my life. 

I'm taking it day by day, from a FOODIE to a girl with NO BOOTIE I will use laughter as my dessert!

        It has been one year since I had to stop cutting hair full time because of the pain in my right arm. I'm not a wanna be star trapped in a hairstylist body anymore, I AM a star stuck in a 9 to 5 body. My boss Lois will probably be one of the people MOST exited for me to make it, I can't wait for the day I can walk into her office and say "I'M PEACIN' OUT GIRL, Puttin in my two weeks! NOW I'm gonna need a stand in for MY role on a hit TV series!" Don't call me Scooby Doo yet, I still have more tests, doctors appoints, and auditions ;) ahead of me, I'm excited to announce I will be approved for health insurance tomorrow. I've been waiting to continue my medical journey until now. For those of you who have known about my struggle, thank you for your continuous thoughts and prayers. For those of you I don't see often, don't see anymore or have never met, thank you for taking the time to read this...whatever THIS is....

...To be continued