A few of my Favorite things!

       I'm a little embarrassed to admit, that after only two blog entries I seem to be at a loss for words……….<sigh>
      Actually to be honest, I've been in a pretty dark place so 'a loss of words' translated loosely means 'If I can't write about anything positive, don't write anything at all!' But that wouldn't be real, would it?
       I've been going back and forth about how to approach this next entry. A part of me REALLY wants to write a rant about all the insane life challenges my family and I have endured in the last 44 days. Then I thought, I should write a "Christmas Letter". You know the ones family's send that brag about promotions, weddings, vacations etc......except mine would be a SUPER depressing version!!! I'd brag about all the shitty things that have happened to me this year, in a comedic sarcastic tone of coarse. ;)
       However, my final decision is to list some things that made me smile this holiday season. No matter how great writing a rant can feel, focusing on the negative usually gets you no where fun, FAST. With that said…<Clears Throat>

                       Here are a few of Chelsey Rae's Favorite Things! (in no particular order)


#1. Cuties! Always in abundance this time of year these sweet little mandarins are a delicious healthy snack that I NEVER get tired of peeling'!

Britney Bit@#!

#2 X Factor! I admit, I only started watching this show to see Britney but I really LOVE the concept, it's more interesting then American Idol and the awry of talent is unreal. Eric, Mom, Dad and I get settled in to our respective spots in the family room, we cheer for our favorites, and laugh at each others jokes about our not so favorites!

#3 My Neurologist! I met Dr. Ferguson for the first time a few weeks ago. She's the BEST doctor I've seen! She knows her stuff, is committed to helping me figure out whats going on, and on top of all the she's ADORABLE! I had my spinal tap on Friday, lets just say that bitch knows how to put a needle into your spine! HAHA NO REALLY!!! Didn't hurt bad AT ALL! (I was FREAKIN OUT inSIDE) Nothing has changed on my brain MRI which is GREAT news! Now she wants to test my spinal fluid to see if I have lesions on my spine. Should know something more in 10-14 days!



Sara & I!

#4 Annual Christmas shopping trip with my Dad-o! For 23 years in a row my dad and I have taken a night out together for dinner and shopping. Our trip this year put the BIGGEST smile on my face. We always have SO much fun goofing around at the Mall together….

#5 My BEAUTIFUL Cousin Sara! I hadn't seen her since she was my flower girl at age 6! She's 14 NOW, and SUCH a lovely human! We hung out and chatted NON stop at our families Christmas party last weekend! I wish we lived CLOSER!

#6 Gluten/Dairy Free Pumpkin Apple Pie! My mom knows how to WORK a kitchen!! She made me my VERY own delicious pie!

#7 Booking my first photo shot with Ryan Artists! Can't go into detail but it will come out in spring! ;) I DIDN'T even have to audition!

#8 Amish Mafia! Eric and I found our new favorite! I really don't know what else to say I think it speaks for itself…

BUSCEMI!!

#9 I was having a REALLY bad pain day last Tuesday...My shoulder was TERRIBLE! I got home from work and my dog Mr. Buscemi jumped up on my lap. He put his forehead on my clavicle bone and then started licking my shoulder RIGHT where it was hurting...HOW DOES HE KNOW?!!?! I swear with dog is a unicorn in disguise!

              





                                                  Wishing you ALL a magical Holiday!

If you find yourself down in the dumps, grab a Cutie and PLEASE do yourself a favor by watching Amish Mafia…It's OUTRAGEOUS! HAHA

Kids + Dogs = Best Medicine EVER

Kaden Sirah & Mr. Buscemi

We adopted Mr. Buscemi a month and a half ago and he's barely left my side since! He’s only 14.7 pounds and loves being held like a baby. Wait, check that, I LOVE to hold him like a baby, and he lets me. On Sunday, I dropped Mr. Buscemi. I was holding him with his weight on my right arm, which is strange, considering I spend all day trying to eliminate my pain, and sometimes I simply forget my limitations. Nerves in my wrist twitched and twanged and instantly my whole arm gave out, I dropped the poor pup. THANK GOD I was standing over the couch so he didn't fall far or get hurt. But I still felt AWFUL! What if I'd been standing in the kitchen, or even worse, what if I was holding a human baby...

A cloud of depression came creeping in and tears rushed up to my eyeballs at the thought of what could have happened. Eric, my partner, was sitting in the recliner next to me and saw the situation unfurl, without a moment’s hesitation or an explanation he came over to hold me. Kaden, my 5 ALMOST 6 year old step son who was coloring by the TV stood up and with all the seriousness he could muster said, "Chelsey! Do you have back pain?!?... because LOOK (he points at the TV which was playing a Sleep Number Bed infomercial), I think you need that bed to help your disease!!" Laughter came rolling out of my gut and the storm clouds disappeared. Sometimes, the best medicine comes from the most unexpected places. Of course a Sleep Number Mattress was not the answer to all of this, although the simplicity of a child's thought, is something I won't soon take for granted. It soothed the pain in a way no pill or puff ever could.

After a hot bath and some US Weekly I was feeling more like myself again. When I'm home he does not leave my side. I have this feeling he knows there is something wrong. I read that scientists have proven dogs can detect illnesses in their owners by smell. Mr. Buscemi is ALWAYS sitting next to me, licking my face, jumping up into my arms, he can't get enough of me, it's hilarious! You would think I raised him since he was a puppy. He loves the rest of the family of course, but everyone agrees his bond to me is extraordinary. Since we adopted him I've felt better, had less anxiety, my sleeping has improved, and I'm able to get up easier in the morning knowing he needs to be fed and taken outside. Mr. Buscemi had long forgotten about his tumble that morning, he was even loyally waiting for me outside the bathroom after my bath. I wasn't sure we'd find a dog that fit into the family, but alas, Mr. Buscemi just may be a piece of my cure. I'm so thankful....

http://www.oregonhumane.org/adopt/dogs_puppies.asp

The Skinniest Fat Girl 

By: Chelsey Rae

                  Gluten, Dairy, and Sugar. These aren't a few of my favorite things...OH NO THESE ARE MY FAVORITE THINGS!! There really isn't anything better than a bowl of pasta with Alfredo sauce, a fresh baked loaf of bread, or how about CHOCOLATE ice-cream!!! OMG my mouth is watering already! One of my favorite holiday treats is a LARGE water glass of egg nog ice cream, pour in hot chocolate, topped with a layer of mini marshmallows with whip cream!! (after my boss found out this is what I was eating last December she said "YOU ARE THE SKINNIEST FAT GIRL I KNOW!")

No more summer cocktails it's all about fresh fruit!

                  Food has always been an important part of my life. The first time I ever remember seeing a camcorder in person, was when my dad brought one home from work, he recorded my mom and I in the kitchen making dinner, her and I pretended we had our own cooking show. I used to watch cooking shows on PBS any chance I could, and in 3rd grade I declared "I'm gonna be a chef on TV when I grow up!!". I didn't become a chef of Television YET, but I DID get ON TV. I guess the universe does listen, it does not always deliver the results in the way we THOUGHT we wanted it to be. 

                  In May of this year I was diagnosed with Demyelinating Disease, demyelinating disease is any disease of the nervous system in which the myelin sheath of neurons is damaged. Thank you wikipedia!! Basically the protection on the nerves in my brain is gone in a few areas which makes my brain unable to communicate with different parts of my body. This is what people with Multiple Sclerosis get diagnosed with BEFORE the doctor confirms the MS diagnoses.....Based on my age, sex, and symptoms they are fairly certain I may be one of the 350,000 people in the United States that lives with Multiple Sclerosis each day. After over two years of chronic pain in my right shoulder, elbow, wrist, hand, potty problems, depression, anxiety, and weight loss I needed answers. I felt crazy, I just kept tasking my loved ones  "WHY do I FEEL 80 years old on the inside!!?!?!?" When I started to have pain in my left leg, that's when I knew this wasn't a case of tendinitis or carpal tunnel. I will never forget the evening of May 10th waiting for my doctors call, 6:35pm the phone rings, Eric and I quietly listen to the speaker phone while the doctor explains the diagnoses. I have four spots on my brain where the myelin sheath is gone, 3 are 4mm in diameter and 1 is 7mm. "IF you were a very healthy 80 year old woman this is about how your brain would look..." Says Dr. Tilley. Relief washed over me, like when you blush, but the opposite..."I'm NOT crazy! I'm not a hypochondriac!" I exclaimed.  I even described the pain perfectly....I'm 28 years old on the outside, and 80 on the inside...People have always told me I'm an old soul, I guess they were right! "Now if anything this will be a change in lifestyle for you Chelsey....Your pain management will really depend on you, and how you live." Dr. Tilley said.

In my OWN trailer on the set of GRIMM!

             With in four days I became a non smoker, who says no thank you to sugar, cocoa, alcohol, dairy, and gluten. Well, except for Sugar Saturdays of coarse, If cheat on my diet, I do it on the weekend so that I have a full day of recovery to lay around and do nothing. Surprisingly the best pain fighter for my demyelinating disease has not be the medication the neurologist prescribed but, medicinal marijuana (which I'm licensed for) and a strick eating regimen, juicing has been VERY helpful. Can you believe....All the GRREEEEN I want and no sugar...HAHA Life is ironic. I believe a lot of the motivation for the change of life style was not only being in pain, but May 11th, the day after I was diagnosed, I also was signed with a modeling agency and in less than a week from then I was working on the set of GRIMM as a stand in for Mary Elizabeth Masterantonio. In just a few short weeks from there I went from a guest star's stand in, to the body double for Bree Turner a series regular on the hit NBC show. The mysteries of my body were becoming realized, and my dreams coming true. I use that as my motivation for staying as healthy as possible for me, and my family. 

           On a recent trip to Costco for juicing fruit I went up to get a sample of my FAVORITE crackers, Mary's gluten free crackers to be exact. http://www.marysgonecrackers.com (Which by the way Costco now sells for a quarter of the price normally charged by local grocers.) The woman at the sample stand said "These are going like crazy! A woman just came by and bought 4 boxes!!!" "OH I BET! These are my FAVORITE, I eat gluten free and these are one of the best snacks I've found" "OH NO WONDER you are SO SKINNY!!!" she said. I looked behind me for a second realized she was still talking to me, smiled awkwardly and then walked toward the front of the store. Me....SKINNY? Weird...I am though...Over the last two years and as of recently I have lost a total of almost 50 pounds. In my head I'm STILL "Chelsey Chunks" (The name all my girlfriends called me through middle and high school) a proportionate average size 10 sometimes 8 with a couple dimples on my ass here and there, I LOVED me. I remember one particular EX-friend said "You know Chelsey, I've ALWAYS admired how comfortable you are in a swim suit! You never complain about it, and you always seem OK with your size.."  This SHOCKED me, I was ALWAYS self conscious about being in a swim suit, not because of the size 10 tag, but because of my thick lady garden hairs!!!! I was scared someone would think my razor burned bikini line, was disgusting, not my weight! There's nothing like a best girlfriend to give you a good of a back handed comment....And I PROMISE, IT was backhanded....

Sometimes I bring my own food out to eat 

          Body image is a strange thing, and I never had a problem with it until now. Being skinny has made me more self conscious than I can ever explain. I can't go one day without someone SOMEWHERE commenting on my weight. I'm not JUST talking about people I know, but strangers. I've even had people that I had not seen for a while, straight up ask me if I had a drug problem or an eating disorder...Eating was something I always looked forward too, ask ANYONE of my friends or family members and they will tell you that I would think about what my next meal, while eating my current one. Now I loath eating...it's a hassle. Every time I see food I see pain. These are the thoughts I fight against...I believe this MIGHT be the most depressed I've ever been about something. It's a divorce I didn't want, it's a break up with Snickers, and Soda! Cutting out all of that deliciousness has been one of the biggest challenges of my life. 

I'm taking it day by day, from a FOODIE to a girl with NO BOOTIE I will use laughter as my dessert!

        It has been one year since I had to stop cutting hair full time because of the pain in my right arm. I'm not a wanna be star trapped in a hairstylist body anymore, I AM a star stuck in a 9 to 5 body. My boss Lois will probably be one of the people MOST exited for me to make it, I can't wait for the day I can walk into her office and say "I'M PEACIN' OUT GIRL, Puttin in my two weeks! NOW I'm gonna need a stand in for MY role on a hit TV series!" Don't call me Scooby Doo yet, I still have more tests, doctors appoints, and auditions ;) ahead of me, I'm excited to announce I will be approved for health insurance tomorrow. I've been waiting to continue my medical journey until now. For those of you who have known about my struggle, thank you for your continuous thoughts and prayers. For those of you I don't see often, don't see anymore or have never met, thank you for taking the time to read this...whatever THIS is....

...To be continued